|
"A genius is one who can do anything except make a living."
"When it comes to thought some people stop at nothing."
"Schizophrenia beats dining alone."
"I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect."
"Honesty is the best policy,
but insanity is a better defense."
"Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking."
"When it comes to thought some people stop at nothing."
"The cure for boredom is curiosity.
There is no cure for curiosity."
"I don't have a train of thought,
I have an oil spill."
"Stop looking for prince charming,
cinderella's already got him."
"4 out of 5 voices in my head say go back to sleep."
"Could you please give me directions to your heart...
because I just got lost in your eyes."
"Good men are like Martians,
you hear a lot about them
but you never actually see one."
"The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography"
"Just because I'm moody, doesn't mean you're not annoying."
"Insanity: a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world."
~R. D. Laing~
"Does anal retentive have a hyphen?"
"A Freudian slip is when you mean
one thing and say your mother."
"Why do I get the feeling that someday
I'll be describing this to a phychiatrist?"
"Life is not algebra."
"If it weren't for the last minute,
nothing would get done."
"The truth will set you free,
but first it will make you miserable."
"Life is like the mail.
Sometimes you just don't get it."
"Warning: dates in calendar are closer than they appear."
"I'm not talking to myself,
I'm just the the only one thats listening."
"You laugh because I'm different.
I laugh because you're all the same."
"Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?"
"Unique is an understatement.
I'm just messed up."
"Obscenity is the crutch of inarticulate motherfuckers."
"Sometimes the best man for the job isn't."
"Reality bites...and doesn't let go."
"Forget about world peace...
visualize using your turn signal!"
"Just because I fell off doesn't mean I'm done."
"Smile: it's the second best thing you can do with your lips."
"When life gets hard, screw it!"
"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."
"Just because you're paranoid doesn't
mean that they're not out to get you."
"If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?"
"The only way to amuse some people is
to slip and fall on an icy pavement."
"That thought got ran over as it was crossing my mind."
"Friends are God's way of apologizing
to us for our families."
"There are three ways to get something done:
do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it."
"At a nudist wedding everyone
can see who the best man is."
"Dyslexics of the World...
Untie!!!"
"I need someone really bad...
Are you really bad???"
"I'm going to be more assertive...
if that's OK with you."
"I'm not lost...
I'm temporarily directionally impaired."
"Into every life some rain must fall.
Usually when your car windows are down."
"One advantage of talking to yourself
is that you know at least somebody is listening!"
"Star light,
Star bright,
Where the hell is Mr. Right??"
"Stop talking while I'm interrupting."
"The question is not if you are paranoid,
it is if you are paranoid enough."
"If you want something said, ask a man.
If you want something done, ask a woman."
"Even if the voices are not real,
they have some good ideas."
"Illiterate? Write today for free help."
"It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you."
"I don't suffer from insanity.
I enjoy every minute of it."
"I know you think you understood what I said,
but what you heard was not what I meant."
"I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life.
I'm pleased to say I've won."
"Some day my ship will come in, but with my luck,
I'll be at the airport."
"There is no such thing as a weird human being.
It's just that some people require more understanding than others."
"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."
"We are not really virgins because life screws us all."
"If love isn't a game, why are there so many players?"
"Falling in love is fun;
stepping in is wise."
"Men are like parking spaces...
the good ones are taken
and the rest are handicapped."
"Boys...can't live with them
and you can't live without them."
"We are living in a world of permanent change."
"The bible was written by the same people who said the earth was flat."
"A cubicle is just a padded cell without the door."
"Stress is when you wake up screaming
and realize you haven't fallen asleep yet."
"I plead contemporary insanity."
"I cant remember if I'm the good twin or the bad one."
"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."
"Madness takes its toll--please have exact change ready."
"The older you get, the better you realize you were." |
